If we are the product of the collision of 2 brains in the 11th dimension and matter is collected at the points where the brains collided & gravity is leaking into our universe from the 11th dimension, maybe the reason some black holes are active & some are not is because the colliding brains are still in contact at some points and not in others. Maybe if you were to fall into a black hole you could manipulate other dimensions, such as the 4th and travel forwards & backwards in time. Maybe you could move from our universe to a parallel universe much like our own, but in some ways different-- aka, the 1990s TV show "Sliders" staring Jerry O'Connell. Maybe you could move just far enough away of our universe without completely leaving it & just close enough to another universe without completely entering it causing you to be undetectable in either universe. Maybe this is what happens to people after they die & before they are ready to move to heaven
Read More......Thursday, July 02, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Entry 59: Random realization
Several months ago I decided that if I were to become unemployed I would take some time for myself. I have been doing that now. I when I made that decision, I thought it would be good for myself because it would give me some time to collect myself. I really didn't know what needed to be collected. What I have found is that when you are not worrying about what you have to do next time becomes fluid.I had become so accustomed to the opposite.
You have to be here at this time and you only have until this time to finish that until you need to be there to do this and if you don't get it done by that time you'll need to not do that other thing at that other time and instead...blah blah blah.
Now when I wake up I think. I didn't realize until about week 5 that thinking was something I had not really done in such a long time. Now when I say think I mean in the esoteric way.
I now have time to think about what I am doing alive. I have time to read and to think about what I am reading and how those readings fit into the world and how I fit into that world too. I am more creative. I create with my hands, like food and crafts. I am trying to expand my understanding of the French language and culture. I have been watching more films. And I have been writing more too.
I still am not sure what I need to collect within myself, but I am on a grand journey and enjoying figuring it out.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Entry 57: Laid off
It finally happened. After exactly 1 years of reduced work schedules my employee GC Wallace has decided to call it quits in California. This is no real surprise me. The company went from about 60 people to 15 in only a few weeks. GCW opened its doors in Sacramento when the housing boom began back in the late 1990s. They were open for about 9 years. You can really tell a great company from a mediocre company in the lean times.
I think the good news out of all this is that there will be one less firm in business that really was not a assess to the development community. GCW was crippled with an out date business model and really refused to adapt to the changing economic and political times in California. They bent over backwards for developers and loved taking it in the ass. I really believe that it is the job of a consulting firm to lead the client towards developing the best possible project possible. GCW did not think this way. They were happy with the status quo. With AB32 and the likes now guiding development patterns in CA the status quo will not work.
So I am out of work. One of the millions that are unemployed. I filed for COBRA, thank you president Obama for making it affordable, and unemployment insurance this past week. Depending on how things start to play out I plan on being unemployed for a while. I want to relax and enjoy my summer by traveling and concentrating on myself and getting me back to a happy place.
Monday, May 04, 2009
Entry 56: Still looking
Tried a few cemeteries today. No luck yet. It is 1:33. I decided to go to Crossroads cafe in SF to have some food and recharge and feel closer to Mark and when we came to SF. I am having a meatloaf sandwich and water. It is good. This place, which I enjoy for the sentimental value, has no wi-fi which sucks and annoying at times like this when I want to be online. Thankfully I found a network that isn't protected.
I will continue my search via phone another weekend. I need to get back to Modesto soon before peak traffic. This is the first time I have had food at this spot. The sandwich is OK and kit came w/ a side field green salad also OK. Not worth 6.48 though.
Entry 55: Looking for a connection
While Mark and I were dating his mom had complications with a pregnancy. Mark told me about this and that the unborn child was buried at a cemetery in the East Bay. I am trying to find that grave site to hopefully create some connection w/ his family that I don't have but long for.
Read More......Sunday, May 03, 2009
Entry 52: Visions
3/22/09 is when this happened...
I think I saw Mark's brother in San Francisco at a coffee house near his house there. Are you back in SF??
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Entry 50: Busy Times
So due to the economy I had to move back to my parents property and commute into work every morning. It is about an hour and 10 minute drive. It isn't so bad because I only have to do it 3 days a week, but during those 3 days I am totally worn out and unpacking has been a slow process. The house I am living in has been vacant for several years and so there is differed maintenance that I have been having to take care of which makes the unpacking process even slower. The sad part for me is that many of the boxes I am unpacking have been in storage since I moved from Sacramento to Folsom back in 2007. That was the move that Mark helped me with. Opening those boxes reminds me of him and takes me instantly back to that time.
I remembered that once he came over and brought me a small bag of beautiful, but strange looking cookies. They were oval in shape, 3 dimensional and filled with a pineapple preserve. The cookie was buttery, flaky and completely delicious, but when combined with the smooth slightly acidic preserve there was an explosion of wonderful flavor hitting all parts of your tongue. Mark told me how he prepared them.
It was a long process that impressed me, even if I didn't articulate that to him. At this point we were we still just fuck buddies and I didn't want him to think that by him making me some cookies it would all of a sudden make me fall in love with him. In all honesty, the cookies deeply impressed me and while I didn't fall in love with him at that moment it did make me feel closer to him and somewhat guilty for not feeling the same way towards him as he did to me.
Mark knew that I love pineapple and he made the preserve by hand on the stove and molded it by hand into the buttery cookie dough then decorated each hand shaped cookie with a delicate pattern reminiscent of a leaf. It took him hours and hours to prepare the small bag he presented me with and while I would have loved to eat the bag in it entirety on the spot I was struggling with my weight at that time,as I often am, and restrained myself. Now, I wish I could taste them one more time.
All and all the move hasn't too terrible for me. By not having to pay rent anymore I really don't stress about money anymore, which is nice and allows me to better enjoy my 3 day work weeks. I have been traveling a lot and planning more trips.
I recently came back from Chicago and I have been to Denver a couple times. I am planning on going to Hawaii later this summer for a week and to France for 3 or 4 weeks. I have a friend that moved to Hawaii and so it is the perfect opportunity to visit the place and get shown around to all the local spots and avoid the tourists. Travis is originally from Hawaii.
I am not sure what I am going to do in France. I just know that I want to be there for a while. Connect to the culture and the way of thinking. I joke with my friends that I might never come back, but honestly it isn't a joke. I have grown tired of my life here. I want something new and exciting to breath energy into me. As it is now, I am just going through the daily motions of life and I don't care for it anymore because it in reality is what is exhausting me. I think that by me going to France it will bring me closer to Mark in some strange and maybe sadistic way. I don't care if it is sadistic. I need to feel close to him and this is the only way I can figure how to get there. I would love to have a relationship with Mark's brother and parents, but I don't think it is something they are interested in. However, I am hopeful that at some point we will at the very least meet. That is another reason for me going to France. As far as I know Mark's family is still living in the UK. France to UK via the AGV is just a few hours. Maybe if they know that I will be nearby they will be willing to meet.
